He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
