I'm really into asian looking animals
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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