D3 body, D1 cock
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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