We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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