You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
