3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish my penis had a tongue
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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