i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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