belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
