they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
