Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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