I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
