She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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