He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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