What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
