dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
