why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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