the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
