Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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