new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
