ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
