I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
