This is the prime rib incident all over again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just pee around me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
