I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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