i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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