I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
