dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
