There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
