Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
