I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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