I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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