oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
