They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
