you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
