i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
