I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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