Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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