i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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