she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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