Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
4 words: hood of his car
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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