Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
