I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
