So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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