Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
