when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
