We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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