My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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