you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
