Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
