Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
