oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
