just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
