Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
