apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
