come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
